u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
