loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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