he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
