Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
