she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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