you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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