apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just want to make out with him forever
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
