im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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