I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
