Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
