If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
