Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
