So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
