After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
