He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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