it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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