Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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