I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
