It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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