moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
