I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
