also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
