I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Panties = found
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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