apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
