my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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