Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
