Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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