i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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