It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
