My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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