When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
