feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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