...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
