4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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