Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
