The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
