Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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