the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I would fuck him just for his dog
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
