Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
