it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
accomplished twins. life is a go
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
sex in a hospital.. check
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
