Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
