is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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