Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
