My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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