he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
