Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
