It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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