I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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