Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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