So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
