It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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