It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
