It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Houston, we have a squirter
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
