I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
