Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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