The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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