Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
