My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
